I am not sure if Momma ever found out. Maybe she wondered about how fewdiapers I used while there. Or maybe she noticed that I never really hadto change clothes very often.As I was there more and more, the daughters would dress me more and more.Finally it got to the point I was put in a dress or little girl outfit assoon as Momma was out of the drive way and not changed back until minutesbefore Momma returned.I have been told that one day, one of the girls, Patti, was getting readyfor school when I crawled into her room. As the story was told to me, shehad on her panties and bra when I came in. She picked me up and held me,telling me that I needed to stay in the living room while she finisheddressing.As she stood there holding me, I leaned over and started trying to suckleher. Instead of taking me right back to where I was supposed to be, shelowered her bra and let me. As I suckled, she told me how good it madeher feel. She said that it made her want to be a mother all the. “You know even after that he never let up on me,” she continued. “He resented my having to take care of him and you were in California.”“Did you resent my being so far away?” I’d never thought about this before.“No, of course not. You have your family and your life. You couldn’t just pick up and leave.” Her face changed again, reverting to the choleric, resentful moue. “But he never stopped. Nothing was ever good enough. He was like that old cantankerous uncle from that Twilight Zone episode. You know. The one who can’t do anything for himself and doesn’t appreciate anything anyone does for him. I hated him more than I ever did, but I just wanted him to know that even through all the bullshit...” she paused and her face softened, her eyes dropping slightly. “I still loved him. I still needed a father.”This was normal for her-the anger, the resentment, the unrequited need for approval. She had been the one to take care of Stan, our father, that last year of his life. I was safe and.
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